And panic sets in…

In less than a sennight, May 1812 will be launched. 

And it is as though every fear and every concern I have ever had about the book have come hurtling back at me tenfold. 

Will people like it?  Is Myddelton a strong enough character to carry the book for men?  For women?  Is it too violent?  Not violent enough?  Too soppy?  Too steeped in history and therefore inaccessible for a normal person?  Does it read too slowly?  Is it too academic and not action packed enough?  Is the love story too prominent? 

And more haunting still:  Will it change the way my friends regard me once they’ve read it or found it too [fill in the blank] to continue with?  And then, they won’t know what to say and it will all be horrible, and then the quiet and mundane life I love, the life which is one of easy camaraderie, devoid of any kind of judgementalism, will be gone.  And I won’t be able to get it back. 

And then there’s the matter of the launch of the thing.  About which, I confess I feel little but unalloyed panic and trepidation.  

I did plan to spend the week taking on seriously high jumps (on horseback, this is) in the hope of falling and breaking something (just about anything would do) and therefore having an iron-clad excuse for not appearing.  This, however,  has been vetoed at so many levels. 

I haven’t yet worked out how I’ll cope.  I daresay I will.  One does.  The dog will help.  The horses will shoulder me and remind me of my place in the scheme of things (provider of carrots, good with a dandy brush).

This entry was posted in Writing.

10 comments on “And panic sets in…

  1. Cheri Lasota says:

    Don’t stress, my dear Bennetts. Just sit back and take it all in. And when your friends and family gush–which they undoubtedly will–just smile, say thanks, and try not to drink too much. *wink*

    But, in truth, you will have the time of your life, and you’ll look back on your silly nerves with embarrassment.

    Wish I could come and help you celebrate!


  2. Once you get out of the collecting area into the ring every shred of nerves will disappear, like always.

    • M M Bennetts says:

      Now that you mention it, there is good news…I won’t be out there with Tom on a day when he decides, “Nope, not doing it. Not today. Don’t feel like it…don’t care if you beat me, I’m not doing it…”

      Righto. Blood pressure heading downward-ish.

  3. S’truth and gadzooks, MM. You display your nerves as an expectant father in the maternity ward! Is Myddelton a strong enough character? Forsooth, yes. Too steeped in history for a ‘normal’ person? Are there any such? It is a tour de force and will be consumed by the right-thinking.

    My dear fellow, relax and savour the experience as one would with a good malt or a chilled glass of Louis Roeder Cristal. There will be many glasses raised to you and to May 1812. Don’t even think of avoiding the launch – there can be no excuse. My sincere good wishes to both you and the book. MHM

    • M M Bennetts says:

      I am a great deal worse than an expectant father, MHM, let me assure you. But as Mr. Hopkins has kindly reminded me, at least I’m not sitting in the collecting area with that ‘exceeding well-mannered’ horse, Thomas, before going into the ring…

  4. Rudolf says:

    Normal. Normal. Normal. Everything is normal… including panic and fear. Do you remember how you first felt when you climbed on a horse? How you felt when you first put your work up on the Authonomy website? Are you different now? Has the world come tumbling down about you? No.


    And it won’t this time…. and you are not the only one full of panic and fear. I am terrified as to what you and others will think of me in the flesh… rounder than I used to be — despite my best efforts, hair thinner than it was, glasses… are my clothes so cheap that others will notice?….. you see, normal, just normal.

    Deep breath and you know what, you will enjoy it, and so will I, and so will everyone. We will have a great time and we will all regard each other in even greater esteem once we have had the pleasure of physical contact (shaking hands, kissing on cheeks, looking into eyes)…. cyber friends become physical friends.

    ….plus we get to hold in our hands copies of your lovely book (the first of many) It will be magic and so will you.


    • M M Bennetts says:

      You’re the only person who’s ever said to me ‘Normal.’ Mostly it’s: ‘Can’t you behave?’ Ha ha ha.

      And remember, Matt Dick–aka, the ginormous adrenaline pie, with added adrenaline, and adrenaline sauce–will be there too.

  5. Margaret Skea says:

    Hi MM,
    There are no nerves that Chopin can’t sort…
    The very best wishes for Saturday.


    • M M Bennetts says:

      The thing is, I’m not playing Chopin at this thing…it’s Mozart, Beethoven and Schubert! The Beethoven and Schubert will be fine. But that Mozart…he’s got some weird little thing going with the music publishers so that in concert, a couple of notes you never noticed before will be introduced or something. He’s a bad man…ha ha.

  6. I just heard the good news–I’ve been a hermit the past few months, but am thrilled that one of the best writers I read in Autho-land is going to be available to everyone else out there. Best wishes, good luck, and enjoy the process–even the nerves and mild panic. I hear a nice glass of port is good for that, if you like that sort of thing.

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